A Letter to My Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

First of all, I want to say thank you for loving me. I know it has not been easy for you, as I am fully aware that sometimes I am hard to love, difficult to understand, and as moody as they come. But, you have loved me patiently, effortlessly, and with intent from the day we met.

Thank you for showing me unwavering love and compassion.

Thank you for not labelling me as "insecure", but instead, you decided to take the time to help me learn how to trust again.

You taught me the importance of vulnerability, and it has made me want to commit myself to you and submit myself to you, for as long as God has joined us together.

When I took my vow of celibacy in January 2020, I made that choice with you in mind. I can't say if we had met as yet, because sometimes your future was a part of your past; but, I prayed about you and for you, and I asked God to keep both myself and my flesh strong against temptation, as I wait for you.

See, I know you would be worth the wait. I wanted to be "like new" for our wedding night. I know you being the man that you are, would appreciate me even more for making this decision on my own.

With tears in my eyes, and a heavy heart, my mind went on Sapphyre. You know, I am a package deal, a 2 for 1 special, buy 1, get 1 free; you get it. So, when I think of the kind of man I want to marry, I think of Sapphyre and the kind of man who would be a good fit in both of our lives. I asked God to send me a man who would love her like his own. A man that, despite knowing Sapphyre is not biologically his, would never see her as his "step-child", but indeed his flesh and blood. I asked God to send me a man who can show Sapphyre, by the way he loves me, and loves us, how a lady is to be treated, so that she never settles, and so that she never questions her worth and her value as she grows.

With tears in my eyes, I asked God to send me a man who believes in Him. A man who is unashamed to pray and read his Bible. I asked God for a man who would possess several attributes. Included in this list was a man who is patient, kind, considerate, romantic, passionate, trustworthy, reliable, dependable, ambitious, a provider, and a confidant. Keep in mind, I never ask for anything I cannot reciprocate.

Oh, and the shallow piece of me asked God to ensure you were FIONE! But, can you really blame me? We have 2-3 beautiful babies to make :).

Okay, so back to being serious.

What I did not ask God for, was a perfect man; I do not need you to be perfect. What I need is a man who is committed to working on himself daily.

As I prayed for you, I also prayed for myself. I have childhood trauma which still affects me today, I overthink everything because it seems that as a child I could not do anything "right". I have also experienced more than a handful of poor relationships that have left me with emotional trauma and scars. So, I asked God to heal my heart, to bring me peace, and to mould me into the wife that I know you are praying for.

Signed,

Your Wife That God is Working On